Onliesta

In honor of Canada Day, show us your favorite Canadian.

Picture 169

This is Stacy and Eddie (both Canadian) whom I met when grooming in Florida a couple years ago.  I haven't spoken to Stacy since and doubt I'll ever see her again but she kind of rocked my world when I knew her.  Her favorite term of unendearment was douch bag and with that Canadian accent, it was a thing of beauty.

Share a song you listened to in 6th grade.

And I believe everyone else was listening to:

I have still yet to recover from the weekend.  Way too little sleep.  They wouldn't allow cameras in the concert and I toted only the 35mm camera down the trail but here are a couple I snapped with the digital.  Flagstaff is gorgeous.  I don't know why I haven't gone there more.

flagstaff 002

flagstaff 006

The hike on Monday was awesome!  It was seven miles of complete privacy and solitude.  The first half was a rigorous, steady climb on a narrow trail through the forest.  I hear the Grand Canyon is visible from the trail, which may be true but it was a bit hazy.  At the end of the uphill climb I felt so resolved.  I'd been chewing over some ideas from the concert (new songs) that resonated with me.  I've been unhappy lately when I shouldn't be.  I've been looking in the mirror too much, both literally and metaphorically.  Picking myself apart, feeling old and doomed.  Yes, introspective is necessary but maybe moderation is the key.  Once I get out of myself and out of my house, I can be convinced of the amazingness of my life, if that makes any sense.  Out on that trail, I felt so fucking blessed.  I wanted to call my Mom and tell her in case I die tomorrow that I have a life everyone should envy.  But not because it's comparable to other but just because I'm alive.  It's probably a good thing I'm not that corny all the time.

So now I'm back home, back to work, trying to hold on to that perspective.  My house is a mess.  I spent way too much money up there.  I'm thinking of nixing the Alaskan just because I'm even more resolved to be difficult to keep myself intact.  He invited me to come meet him next weekend when the community he's living in hosts a big pool party, MTV Spring Break style with free alcohol and girls being objectified on a stage.  It wouldn't kill me to shave my legs and paint my toenails and drive an hour and a half one way.  But none of that sounds fun.  It's 110 degrees and I've already had enough sun for a lifetime of skin cancer and can I just skip telling you how into the male gaze I am not?

Instead I'm getting lunch with a former coworker and dogsitting my favorite Charlotte Rose again!

Here's a mountain who lost its head in a volcanic explosion:

Flagstaff 007

Flagstaff's high temperature for the day is lower than the current temperature in Scottsdale at 6AM.  And that's less than three hours away.  And there are elk and stuff!  And I slept two and a half hours last night!

What's your favorite type of donut?
Submitted by tomatshonino.

Sugar, Cinnamon Twist, Vanilla frosted, Glazed, Vanilla Creme, Apple and Spice (cinnamon with "apple" goo inside).  I love donuts.  But Scottsdale is more of a bagel place.  Mom craved jelly donuts while I was in the oven, if that matters.

I cannot believe I'm going to see Ani DiFranco in concert in less than a day.  And I mean that literally.  I'm becoming paranoid that I didn't actually buy the tickets (as I saved money by picking them up a willcall which means I can't see or touch them).  I'm also fairly certain that my car will break down or get a flat tire or some other calamity will ensue so I'm considering leaving Scottsdale at the crack of dawn to curtail derailment.  The drive takes under 3 hours but I'm planning for at least double that JUST IN CASE!

Of course, instead of packing tonight I went to a slumber party (all adults, no weiners allowed).  We had pizza, alcohol and cake, played Wii, and laughed a whole lot.  Co-workers (all the ones I love!) and people from the barn.  I wish we got together more often.

I've heard from the Alaskan.  That's how I will refer to the personals guy until he is given his own name.  I did add him to my contact list on my phone just so I know it's him and not some random local person.  He's pretty funny and I can get him to laugh, too.  My dark, dry humor isn't for everyone so that's a big plus.

I should be asleep.  Wish my a disasterless day tomorrow!

In usual, weak, Laura fashion, I just spent over an hour talking to the boy I wrote off in my last post. 

It seems my first sin is having no clear intention when I signed up for the dating service.  I don't want to stay here in Arizona, so looking for love is foolish.  Mom tries to convince me I don't need to be so serious.  This person might be fun to be with and can't that be enough for now?  Yes, it can.  And I'm fairly sure I can even have fun without getting hurt.  So maybe I'll shave my legs when I get back from Flag and maybe I'll meet this guy.

I wish I could make myself immune to the judgment of others.  How do you do that?  I know all signs point to insecurity within but I promise you, I've grown so far into myself and I can spout off all of my most wonderful qualities.  I entertain myself and I know exactly what I like and don't.  But then criticism will slay me. 

These thoughts surface at the thought of dating again.  Rejection is inevitable coming or going.  And, also, I think I really do want more than "fun", eventually.  And settling for less is slightly painful, though not unhealthy.  I am an idiot for believing. 

I'm due for a good kiss, anyway.

I can't tell you when or where but Gloria Steinem once advised women to become the men they wish to marry.  I think it's a pretty awesome concept.  Reeks of self determination and all that lovely stuff. 

I decided against the personals guy this morning. He has led the life I hope I would have led if I could have had a parallel existence, if I hadn't been born with this unreasonable horse hunger.  I wish I could have stories of survival and strength.  But alas, I have ones of contentment and joy. Anyway, this guy is someone I wish I could be but besides that, there isn't much.  I don't feel like I have anything to offer him; no ways to challenge him, nothing to teach.  So onward and outward and off the internet dating site. 

I wish there was someone out there that would care to get in my head and find something within to resonate with.  Feeling unknown is exhausting in its own way.  I remember thinking Michael really saw me but now I see I was wrong.  He was very much seeing what he wanted to and a lot of the rest of me had to be politely ignored for his fulfillment to flourish.

Anyway, I'm going to have *so much fun* in Flagstaff this weekend.  I've found the perfect hiking trail.  Et Cetera!

I really like this guy.  Remember the perfect one from the online personals I was about to cancel?  This sets off all sorts of warning alarms.  First, I'm always, without fail, wrong.  I'm batting whatever the worst batter in this history of baseball bats.  Second, our conversations have bypassed most of the Critical Issues in what has become my virtual dating application.  I don't know if the guy is pro-choice.  Or is allergic to cats.  Or voted for Bush.

If I take a step back and simplify my heady attraction, I want to hear his stories.  That sounds really mundane but it isn't when you see how much I despise the average male.  I have to make an effort to keep my upper lip from sneering at strangers!  And, no, I don't see a problem with that.  But it does make the acceptance of a person sort of important, anyway.

Also, I worry know some of this is Michael backlash.  This guy has everything I found missing in Michael and those shortcomings are foremost in my mind right now.

I know there was a vox hunt last week asking for photos of collections so here are my belated entries:

In celebration of this weekend:

Ani DiFranco x 17

And the horses:

Collection 002